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The Incredible Shrinking Head

by Al Pascarelli June 20, 2016

The Incredible Shrinking Head

Reason #57 Not To Shave: The incredible shrinking head.

About two years ago I decided it was time for a change. I hadn’t shaved in over a year. I loved my beard but decided spontaneously to shave it off and see my face for the first time in about 400 days. 

Holy mistake.

Though physically impossible, my face had shrunk down, a lot. Ever see the movie Beetlejuice where the headshrinker sprinkles some dust on Michael Keaton’s head? That’s basically the effect you’ll get when you shave after a significant period of time.

I always considered myself to have a strong jawline before I grew a beard. Then, very gradually your new “hair jawline” grows and grows. You don’t realize it that much as it’s happening because it doesn’t happen overnight (unfortunately). Over a vast period of time you just accept this as your new face. There is no shock, just a well-earned reward for a journey that is constantly growing.

Then in one enormous, monumental, catastrophic joke of a mistake, you decide “eh let’s switch it up for a little while.” You put the largest guard on your clippers thinking to yourself, “it won’t take that much off, this is a guard 8. Maybe it’ll shave off an inch or two.” And that’s when the electric clipper exacts its furious revenge for keeping it locked up for so long. It wants it’s money’s worth and you pay the price in inches. Immediately an enormous wad of hair falls into your sink and though it makes no sound you hear it thud like your heart that just gave way realizing all the hard work, all the times people play with your beard, all the compliments you get at the bars, all the times you felt a little more like a man….they are now literally circling the drain in your bathroom sink.

You take pause trying to figure out how to salvage the situation. After many shakes of the head and heavy sighs you realize it is unsalvageable. Why didn’t you just trim it with scissors FFS a little bit at a time. You finish off your face.

The sadness is compounded by being absolutely perplexed by the fact that the person in the mirror is a complete stranger. What is this funhouse mirror of tears that lay before you? You don’t remember looking like this. You had a strong jawline and now you have microjaw. You’re wondering if this makes you less manly. You conclude it does.

You vow to never make the same mistake again.

You spend 3-4 months growing your beard until the sting of the mirror fades away. You flip off the clipper, walk outside, feel the breeze play in your beard and think “amen.”

Has this happened to any of you out there? Let us know what your reaction to shaving it off was.




Al Pascarelli
Al Pascarelli

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